This is for the “older” brides.

The ones who didn’t meet their person until a little later in life.

The ones who waded through a lot of shit to get to where they are now.

The ones who made a life for themselves before they met their person and filled their home with everything they needed without relying on anyone else to provide it for them. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means?!

Maybe you and your person met when you were younger but grew up together and by the time you made it official, you already had everything you needed.

Whatever your situation is that brought you to this blog today, hi. Let’s talk about curating wedding registries when you’re an established, “older” bride who has everything she could possibly need (except a Peloton treadmill).

Personally, I had never given a wedding registry a second thought. The sheer idea of getting married was so far-fetched to me that I didn’t allow my mind to wander much past that very imperative first step that could eventually lead me to a registry (i.e. actually meeting someone who wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry them). When that day came, I still wasn’t prepared and when some family members and a few friends were immediately pressuring me to sign up for registries across all sites a day after getting engaged, I was like… wait what.

I am 35. Zac is 40. I was on my own for a decade before him (B.Z.), living a full life with a fully-equipped kitchen and home. I started with hand-me-downs and, over the course of my young adulthood, replaced those seconds with newer, shinier appliances and tools when I could. I have every colander, whisk, spatula, citrus juicer, toaster oven, utensil, wine glass, water glass, and bowl (DEAR GOD, THE AMOUNT OF BOWLS I HAVE) you could imagine. Now, Zac’s case was a little different. Because he was previously married and because she took every single thing with her that she could, he was left with basically nothing in terms of kitchen and dining tools. He had tons of utensils, drinking glasses, and BOWLS (MORE BOWLS) to add to our collection, but nothing much past that.

Of course, that all changed when I moved in last year. After we both endured serious home purges, we were left with a fully-equipped kitchen and not left for wanting really anything at all. All the very typical stuff you would put on a registry, we have so when it came time to tell our wedding invitees what we want from them, it was a struggle to pull some shit together.

All this to say, I am pretty proud of the hodgepodge registries I’ve created across the Internet. I signed us up at Crate & Barrel, Williams-Sonoma, Anthropologie, and Amazon, all of which are such a random smattering of things. You’re more than welcome to look at them to get ideas for yourself, but I’m going to share some highlighted ideas below as well as some advice on how to go about all this hoopla.

DON’T FORCE IT

Look. We don’t want fine china, we don’t need fine china—we don’t even like fine china. We have cute dishware that we have no problem using to serve guests, no matter how fancy or casual the occasion is. Your old school friends and family may scoff at you for not wanting the most basic wedding registry gift ever, but fuck ‘em. If you know you’re not ever going to use it, skip it! That’s my rule for everything that would be considered standard in terms of wedding registries. Just because it’s a popular item, if you don’t need it, don’t ask for it. Periodt.

UPGRADE YOURSELF

So you have everything you need, but is it top of the line stuff? If your most-used appliances could use an upgrade, this is your golden opportunity. Example, I’ve had a Ninja blender for years and it works beautifully. However, I seized the day with this whole wedding thing and asked for a Vitamix (something I’ve been longing after for a long time) and got it! Another example, have you been dreaming of a cordless Dyson vacuum but have yet to treat yourself to some serious suckage? ADD IT TO THE LIST! Take inventory of what you have and whether or not there’s a newer, better version that you’d be more happy to replace it with.

GIFT CARDS ARE GORGEOUS

For the brides who have everything but still love to shop, lean into asking for gift cards to your favorite places. I feel like gift cards get a bad rap, and it’s truly displaced anger. Gift cards are fucking awesome and save you from having to feign interest in a gift you would’ve never bought yourself, then deal with returning it. A gift card says “I know you love this place, so here’s some money to get whatever you need or want from there when it’s good for you” and I love that. The three places Zac and I spend most of our money are Home Depot, Amazon, and Target. Therefore, I have an abundance of those gift cards on our registry via The Knot!

IF YOU WANT MONEY, SAY SO

If you’re a fan of The Office, you may be familiar with the runner in which Pam wonders why you can’t register for a toaster full of cash.

I hate that it’s considered rude/tacky/unacceptable to say “All we want is your money to put toward our honeymoon, life, and wedding costs that are coming out of pocket for us.” Especially when you’re someone who has everything you need already; JUST GIVE ME SOME CASH. Of course, that’s probably not the right way to ask, so you can set up a Honeymoon Fund (The Knot has this built into their system, so it’s super easy) OR you can write a note at the top of your registry. Here’s what ours looks like:

JUST FUCKING GO FOR IT

At the end of the day, if you really truly don’t need a GD thing and are just creating a registry because you’re expected to, don’t hold back. Put the most ridiculous shit on there you can think of that you either can’t afford right now or you would never buy for yourself. Example, I desperately want a Peloton treadmill. I have quickly become obsessed with the walking and running workouts and want to replace our $100 1987 Gold’s Gym treadmill with the real deal. We absolutely cannot afford it right now, so it’s on the registry. Will anyone actually buy it for us? No. But it’s there! Also, I’ve always wanted the famous Primrose mirror from Anthro but refuse to spend the money, so guess what? IT’S ON THE REGISTRY! Another silly example: this $150 Grateful Dead pillow. Is it practical? No. But do we want it? Yes. The great thing about using The Knot for your wedding website and registries is that they have a plug-in, so you can add literally anything from across the internet to your main registry page. It doesn’t have to be from the main players; it can be small boutiques, too!

I sincerely hope these tips and ideas help if you’re in a similar boat as mine. At the end of the day, y’all are truly each other’s gifts—the rest is material crap (but like, I do really want a Peloton treadmill though).

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