Assume Everyone You Meet is Having a Bad Day
“Be kind.”
“Kindness is cool.”
“You have no idea what someone else might be going through, so be kind.”
You’ve probably heard versions of these ideas and thoughts a million times over and, if you’re anything like me, you haven’t really been able to buy into any of them because well…
Most people fucking suck.
That’s the truth. I’m 34 and I feel like I’ve earned my right to say that. People have issues (myself included) which hinder them from not sucking and, most of the time, they come by those issues honestly. Life can be hard, shit happens, and that shit can shape who you are as a person if you let it (which a lot of people do).
I’ve always said I hate being described as “nice.” Nice amongst other adjectives is fine (i.e. “That Emma. She’s nice but also kinda bitchy and I’m into it”), but nice by itself is more of an insult to me. Nice is how your parents refer to all your lame ass boyfriends (i.e. “It was good meeting Joe. He’s…nice.”). It’s a fallback, a filler, and is actually best friends with the word “kind.”
As an Aries, I’ve always struggled with people telling me what to do and that includes the command to “Be kind.” It just feels so… drippy to me. “It’s cool to be kind”? Come on, man. It’s very condescending in a way, or maybe that’s just how I take it because I’m a defensive asshole. Regardless, I hate it. I would rather you tell me to not be a dick, don’t be an asshole, just… don’t be a piece of shit human. That’s the kind of stuff I respond to.
Then, very recently, I heard Dave Chapelle talking about this very topic and he suggested another way to look at it that honestly made 10 lightbulbs go off in my head. He simply suggested that to be a better person, just
Assume everyone you meet is having a bad day.
That’s it. It’s really that simple. You don’t have to go out and buy a bunch of corny gear about being kind or nice. We’re all assholes deep down (or maybe not so deep down), and that’s okay! It’s what protects us and makes us interesting. You yourself don’t need to walk around with a smile or cheerful expression. You simply should just treat anyone you run into during the day as if they’re in bad mood and hating their life and want this day to be over because it’s truly the safest route to go and is probably how you want strangers to treat you.
I connect with people easily and often because of this mindset. I share my own shit and make self-deprecating jokes and say things we’re all thinking in hopes someone will feel seen or understood or, at the very least, that I will. This is what I interpret Dave’s sage wisdom to really mean. Ex: You don’t have to say “Hello! Good morning! You are beautiful and you woke up today. That’s a gift. Be grateful!” That’s not treating someone like they’re having a bad day; that’s being an annoying as fuck, deranged person with a bad case of toxic positivity. Instead, when they ask “How are you today?” at check out, be honest. Say “Not great” or “I’m alive ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” or “Eh.” I guarantee you this will instantly make them feel seen and whatever minimal small talk transpires between the two of you will stick with them and might even somehow better their what you’ve already assumed to be bad day.
Now, go be less of an asshole to all the assholes you meet!
