I Can't (vol. 59)

So much I can’t with, so little time to express it all to you guys. But here goes nothing.

I CAN’T

The privacy screen I got for my laptop is life changing. Not that I have anything major to hide (like literally just checking my Google analytics or shopping for the most part), but when you’re in an open desk concept office, it’s nice to feel like you have some privacy, ya know? The best part is it’s magnetic, so application and removal is easy as pie (also: Pie isn’t easy? Not sure where that phrase came from, but it doesn’t work for me).

I CAN’T

Even accurately describe how tight my jeans are on me today thanks to PMDD. I weigh less than I have in a minute and am feeling so good from BBG, Blender Bomb smoothies, and eating way more seafood than land animal meat, AND YET, my hormones are shoving my jeans so high up my vagina that it has zero circulation. But I refuse to not wear them, so here we sit — uncomfortable as fuck with a massive camel toe situation. The shit we do for fashion.

I CAN’T

Back when I was younger and foolish (a few months ago), I was still juicing my lemons and limes by manually twisting them back and forth and back and forth until my wrist hurt like a bitch. Then I got smart and got one of these babies, and my citrus game changed dramatically. I just love it so much. Yeah, I know it’s been around forever and ever and you probably already have one, but the best part about life is that you never stop discovering.

I CAN’T

Imagine ever being a landlord or property manager. No fucking thank you. Nope. It’s hard enough being on top of my own shit and getting annoying house issues solved, I’m not about to have to do that for others. Sure, the money is probably nice but not nice enough. DEAL WITH YOUR OWN PROBLEMS, FOLKS.

I CAN’T

With this caesar salad dressing. I know — I’ve posted about it like 32 times this week, but Y’ALL. PLEASE. IF YOU DO ANYTHING UNDER MY INFLUENCE EVER, MAKE. THIS. DRESSING. Kathleen Barnes (big time influencer) came up with it and is insta-famous for it, so I decided to see what the hype was about and IT DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. I wanna put it on everything (but mainly just salads). IT’S. SO. GOOD.

I CAN’T

With this custom playlist Spotify put together for me. It’s the ultimate throwback playlist — a time capsule of sorts — of all the old music I’ve ever searched and listened to on their platform and I LOVE IT. You have one, too! Just go to the “Made For You” section on the far left menu, scroll down to “Even More” and s

I CAN’T

Believe it took me up until a few weeks ago to learn how to make frozen shrimp edible. I swore it off for so long because it always was just so gross to me, but I found the perfect way to prepare it and am hooked. You gotta POACH ‘EM! If you don’t feel like clicking on the instructions, I’ll sum it up for you. First thing’s first: buy a pack of frozen, UNCOOKED shrimp (tails off). Then, fill a pot 3/4 of the way with water. Sprinkle in salt. Squeeze in the juice from half a lemon. Throw the squeezed lemon half into the water, too. Boil the water. Dump the shrimp in. Cover pot with a lid. Kill the heat. Wait 5-6 minutes. DONE! Cook them further by sautéing them for recipes or what have you and ENJOY.

I CAN’T

Understand why any man, no matter his race, size, creed, personality, what have you, thinks that having JUST chin hair as facial hair is a good look? It truly confuses the piss out of me. It is foul. Just disgusting. Why do you think that covering your chin does anything for your general aesthetic? It doesn’t. I mean, fuck — I’d take a go-tee over JUST chin hair (and go-tees are foul, too). I just wish it would stop. PLEASE STOP.

I CAN’T

Begin to tell you how happy I am with the purchase of my two new earring organizers. I have A LOT of hoops and realized during my move that I need a better system for them. Enter: this piece of genius. It looks so good on display, and I love the gold. Then I got crazy and decided to double-down and order a new STUD earring holder as well, so basically my bedroom is now a jewelry store. Speaking of jewelry…

I CAN’T

Deal with anything Kendra Scott. I feel this goes unsaid, but JUST TO MAKE SURE WE’RE ALL CLEAR, Kendra Scott jewelry is the WOAT. Thank you.

I CAN’T

With that feeling when you take too big a sip of ice cold soda (or Topo) and the carbonation is so severe, you actually think you’re going to die of chest pain. You know what I’m talking about? It’s terrifying and I CANNOT.

xox,