I Can't (vol. 57)

I haven’t provided you guys with a list of things I can’t since MAY.

HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED?

Easily, I assume. Nevertheless, I’m here to provide you with a list of things, situations, and thoughts that have me exclaiming

I CAN’T.

I can’t get over the sound quality of Airpods. Truly, I had no idea? I was contemplating them a while ago, but ended up never pulling the trigger and haven’t thought about them much since. However, my Bose over-the-ear headphones while amazing make my left ear piercings itch SO bad? No idea wtf that’s about, but it’s bothersome enough that I looked back into the Airpods and ended up buying a pair. Did you know that if you have any Apple product that is in great condition (laptop, iPad, watch, any and all phone versions), you can go in and get cash for it? My sister told me that and suggested I take in my iPhone 5 to see if I couldn’t get a minimal discount on Airpods, and it worked! Saved $30, which is better than paying full-price. But I would’ve because the way they seamlessly connect to your phone and laptop and the sound quality are worth every penny. Plus, phone calls on them literally sound like you’re just talking on your regular phone. They’re truly phenomenal. I’m already hooked and cannot wait to wear them around the grocery store (because that’s what I’m most looking forward to for some reason).

I can’t say enough good things about making a vision board. It’s something I had always heard of girls doing, but was a douchebag and saw it as basic and lame and all-around odd. That is until this year. Something came over me and the draw to make one took over. I wrote it down as a TO-DO for January and then, like magic, my coworker was all “We make vision boards every year for fun and every year, mine have come to fruition.” So when the night came for us to gather amongst wine, cheese, magazines, and scissors, I was ON BOARD. And it truly was one of the more fun things I’ve done with a big group of girls. And creating my board was so empowering. I can only hope everything I put on it somehow manifests itself, but only time will tell. 10/10 would do again, though!

I can’t with these delightful cocktail tumblers or the fact that my best friend saw me admire them then sent them to my work as a surprise package last week. Truly felt like I was at summer camp all over again, getting surprise fun mail from my mama.

I can’t believe so many of you were so on board with fake greenery? Truly, when I posted that over the weekend wondering if you looked down on those who adorn their homes with fake plants, I expected to be berated. Instead, a whopping 500+ people voted FOR fake greenery and “real or bust” barely cracked 150 votes. That said, setting it all up in my house yesterday was a COT DAMN DELIGHT and all the fakeness has already made my home feel homier. I got most of my greenery from Target (WHERE ELSE), but some from Michael’s along with a cylinder glass vase and river rocks. Here’s what I scooped up, but be sure to look at all of Target and Michael’s offerings — they have pages on pages of artificial greenery to fulfill all your desires.

I can’t deal with when a man and myself make very OBVIOUS eye contact out in public and, minutes later, his mother fucking fiancee walks in to meet him. DON’T EVEN LOOK AT ME, BRO. JUST DON’T. DO NOT EVEN MEET MY EYES AND LINGER THERE IF YOUR BITCH WITH A DIAMOND IS ABOUT TO WALK IN. YOU ARE THE WOAT. I’ve said it 100 times and I’ll say it 100 more — engaged men SHOULD ALSO HAVE TO WEAR SOME SORT OF SOMETHING THAT INDICATES THEY ARE UNAVAILABLE. IT’S NOT FAIR.

I (also) can’t deal with the same exact scenario occurring then realizing he has a COT DAMN wedding band on. Look — I know being married doesn’t mean you’re dead, but these dudes need to practice the appropriate length of eye contact as to not lead on vulnerable, easily excitable females like myself. That’s all I’m saying.

I can’t with the perfection of this notepad my sister got me for Christmas and I urge all of you to not only get one but also save this image down to your phone so you can join in my weekend to-do lists on Instagram with this glorious template.

I can’t believe it took me until very recently to try Sugarfina candies for the first time but MY GOD. They are perfection??? Just like the best sweet/sour candies ever. And they stay so damn fresh. I’ve had a little box of peach bellini gummies for two weeks, and they’re fresh to death. These things are Haribo-level or better. Truly. I WANT THEM ALL.

I can’t. I CAN’T. PLEASE SOMEONE. I NEED THEM ALL BUT MOSTLY WILL.

I can’t. No, like I fucking CAN’T. In fact, that’s all I have to say about it because I have zero words. Just. No. No is my response.

I can’t decide whether or not it’s too late in the season to still be buying booties, but nevertheless — I persisted. I’ve been on the hunt for a very specific style of tan bootie and finally found it ON SALE. They’re exactly what I wanted and look sharp as hell on your feet. If you’re interested, definitely go up a half size as they’re a bit narrow.

I can’t say it’ll work for you, but my piercings have been super irritated lately and because I was too lazy to run out to the store and get Cortisone cream, I decided to treat them with Aquaphor and it worked? So. Aquaphor is my new Windex, I guess. It’s a cure-all.

I can’t blame people for catching onto the greatness that is Cremo shave cream, resulting in Target being sold out of it every time I’ve tried to replenish. My best friend turned me on to it, and it’s literally the most amazing shaving cream I’ve ever used. The ONLY scent though is the coconut mango, which Amazon sells in a 2-pack for $11. So get on it and get SMOOOOOTH.

I truly can’t get over this freaking sweatsuit from Target. My friend at work sports it all the time, and I alway thought it was some super expensive pairing I would never be able to afford. Well, low and fucking behold, IT’S QUITE THE OPPOSITE. $38 for a matching sweatsuit that is this cute? Color me sold. I got small pants and a medium top and with just one wash and dry each, they fit like a freakin’ glove.

And lastly, I can’t but can believe that I have about $600 out right now in an effort to find THE perfect new swimsuit. When you avidly shop online, you never know what the fuck is gonna fit ESPECIALLY with swimsuits. So I find something I like and order multiple sizes and colors so I never have to wonder and send everything back that doesn’t work IMMEDIATELY. Some might say that being more excited about returning it all and getting my $600 back is twisted, and ya know what? They’d be right. But I get it from my mama. Here’s what’s making its way to me in all colors and sizes over the next few weeks for me to try on, hate, and return: