What in the actual hell did we do before Amazon? Seriously, I'm asking because I can't remember. I've consciously suppressed my Life Before Amazon (LBA) because it's too scary to think about. Furthermore, what the FUCK did we do pre-Amazon Prime??? I can barely recall the days in which my dryer sheets, face moisturizer, and Cece's Greenies weren't here within a day or two of me ordering them. It's a beautiful thing that Amazon/Jeff Bezos foresaw today's shopper's need for instant gratification and our embarrassingly low threshold for patience before we, the shopper, could. In short, Amazon knows us better than we know ourselves.

So, I haven't done the actual math but, if I had to guess, I would say that my home and its furnishings are a 4-way split between Amazon (25%), Target (25%), hand-me-downs (25%), and Home Goods (25%). Actually, maybe it's more like Amazon (35%), Target (30%), hand-me-downs (25%), Home Goods (20%). So very many of my belongings came from the online mecca that I'm more than sure I missed several on this list, but I guess that makes whatever made the list VIP (Very Important Products). So, have at it, y'all. These are my top 20 Amazon purchases over the years.

COMMAND (SHOWER) SHELVES

These legitimately changed my shower game forever. Some extremely entitled, bitchy blogger had the idea first for using these as shower shelves, and I promptly ordered myself some then unfollowed her ass (she's the type that would openly complain/lambast followers for asking her about the shelves when she'd "posted them A MILLION TIMES. Take a screenshot, PLEASE. This is the last time I'll post the link." Ungrateful so and so). Anyway, the shelves have been revolutionary in terms of getting my OCD boner raging, and I highly suggest getting some to make your shower seem bigger and nicer.

TUFTED HEADBOARD

Yet another example of how Amazon/JB have taken over the world. When I needed a new headboard, I didn't think "I'll go to a furniture store of course!" Nah. I was immediately on Amazon, seeing what was what, and if I could prime that shit (which you more than likely always can). This cutie was $235 and showed up real quick. You can't beat that. You really can't.

The chair

We all know about THE CHAIR. And if you don't know, now you do. This epic, $100, mid-century, #ONBRAND chair was the first thing I bought for myself when I knew I was about to completely makeover emma's thing's brand (emma's thing's is so awkward). A favorite blogger of mine, Olivia Muenter, discovered it first and I knew immediately that I had to have it. It's such a clutch desk chair and just as adorable, as you can see. Also, v comfortable.

RECORD PLAYER

Full disclosure: I got this because a friend told me playing records after a date was her "move," so I figured why not give it a go. It definitely didn't work, but the record player itself is great and only $78. So if you're looking to level up in terms of coolness or want to casually put on a vintage Beatles record your dad passed down to you and pour some whiskey and see what happens, go for it.

BLUETOOTH SPEAKER

I did not get this for myself — my sister gifted it to me for a birthday. So s/o Allie for this very dope speaker. It has amazing sound quality. Really penetrates the air, ya know what I'm saying? But really. It's sick.

Bluetooth headphones

Y'all know about these. Depending on the day, they go as low as $20 a pop and have served me very well for BBG, power walks, and sometimes coffee shop jaunts. I really like them, and they're great quality. I will say, though, I am flirting with the idea of getting 100% cordless bluetooth earbuds. I haven't pulled the trigger yet, but received RAVE reviews about these guys. We shall see.

FRENCH PRESS AND BEAN GRINDER

I asked for auto-drip timed coffee maker recs the other week because I think the automatic smell of coffee in the morning would entice me to my ass out of bed for the gym more often. However, every time I seriously consider making the switch from french press to auto-drip, that sassy Parisian carafe pulls me back in. I've been using this french press and grinding my own beans with this fantastic grinder for years now. It's simply, really: You heat up hot water, grind the amount of beans you think necessary (I do 4 scoops for 2 cups of coffee), dump the grinds into the french press, pour the water in, give it a stir, put the top on and, in 4 minutes, you have really delicious covfefe. God, now I want some coffee.

DOG TREAT CONTAINERS

Your dogs deserve their treats to be treated and displayed nicely, IMO. I got these suction containers from OXO via Amazon, and they look very clean and harmless sitting on my counter even though they house smelly treats that only a dog could love. They keep my bribes for Cece when she will not come inside after I've asked 10 times fresh to death.

COLORFUL RUG

So I don't technically own this yet, but I did buy it and cannot wait to see if its as adorable IRL. I have a feeling it will be, and it's only $82?!?!!? HOW. My kitchen needs some color and life, so I think this beaut is gonna do the trick. Will report back.

Earring organizer

If you're like me when it comes to earrings, you have way too many and you don't wear 75% of them but you'll keep them all for a long time regardless just because. To solve this issue of mine, I sent for an actual earring organizer, have had it for ??? years, and it has saved me from myself. Plus, seeing all my earring options through the glass encourages me to wear more than just gold hoops all the time. Doesn't always work, but it tries. I highly recommend this little diddy.

BLENDER

This was somewhat of a splurge for me, but my older blender wasn't getting the job done anymore and at the rate I make smoothies for breakfast, I needed the real deal. This machine is POWERFUL AF. I straight up feel like I'm at a Jamba Juice when I make smoothies now. I even offer myself wheat grass shots just to make it more authentic. This blender pulverizes EVERYTHING, and I'm very happy I made the investment.

Lipstick organizer

Turns out, I also have a problem with lipstick. I wear about 5 on rotation, but love love love to collect them JUST IN CASE I EVER NEED THESE 17 OTHER SHADES. The issue though was that they all sort of lived together, laying flat and I'd have to pick 4 up before I found the one I wanted to don that day. Enter: this lipstick organizer. It's been a true godsend. With this, you can stand those bitches up and turn them upside down so you know who you're dealing with in just one glance.

Curling wand

I know most ladies lean toward a legitimate curling iron, however once my sister found this wand and introduced it to my hair's life, I was forever changed (and so was my mane). Curling irons intimidate me, so my sis eased me in with this wand and I haven't looked back since. I love the wavy effect it gives my curls (because I curl my curls in case you didn't know). Just flick it on, wrap a strand around the entire wand, maybe singe your index and thumb finger a bit by holding it in place, and voile! You're beautiful once more.

DUMBBELLS

Since BBG is so damn doable at home, I invested in a set of dumbbells years ago for just that. I love that these are not only a) grey (my favorite color) but b) not the cold metal type with the boring black weights on either end. They have a bit of a personality, and I've used the shit out of them and will continue to do so.

Green lipstick

I haven't mentioned the green lipstick in SO long, but it is hands down close to THE best thing I've bought via Amazon. The Man Repeller posted about it years ago and how it's green but goes on pink and sort of adheres to your skin tone. I got a tube back then and STILL use this stuff today. It's amazing. It's somewhere between a lipstick and lip stain — this shit does not come off. You can eat, makeout, shower, maybe even give a blowie and it will still be there. It's also aloe vera based, so it's real silky and hydrating. Plus, you get 6 fucking tubes for $6. Mother's Day gift? Random "just because" gift to a friend? You'll figure it out.

White noise machine

K so literally I couldn't sleep without this. You scoff at it now, but lemme tell ya — it's amazing. Yah girl cannot snooze peacefully in a dead-silent room, and I needed a fix. Once again, my sister started the trend by getting this white noise machine and upon a visit to Chicago, I experienced the zen state of falling asleep to this beautiful contraption. I dated a douchebag once (JK. I've dated 20 douchebags once) who fought it then loved it so I got him one as a surprise and, although I hope his dreams are terrible and paralyzing night after night, I also hope he still uses it. Because it's everything.

Brita

I didn't know Brita did fun colored pitchers now, so you can imagine my delight when I went to upgrade my 7-cup PUR pitcher to a 10-cup Brita. I got the green one, and ya know — it's just so happy? Like it actually makes me happier about drinking water and the best part? It holds so much and I don't have to refill it every GD day. Praise be.

Hydro Flask

And speaking of water, this is a very recent purchase but one I've been meaning to make for months. I delayed because Hydro Flask is a bit pricier than your run-of-the-mill Nalgene, but for good reason. It's high quality stuff and keeps your liquids freezing or steaming for hours on end. Plus, having this 32oz. container at my desk at all every day has resulted in me guzzling way more water (and also peeing every hour on the hour like a geriatric). Love it hard.

Tupperware Set

I know — such a boring item to end on, but my God Tupperware is unbelievably necessary. Tupperware is honestly worse than socks in terms of disappearing and you have no idea where TF it went. Therefore, I find myself having to restock on mine at least once a year, and this ENTIRE SET IS $20. Like, WUT?! So many containers to put so much stuff in. SO MANY ACTIVITIES!

HAPPY EMMAZON SHOPPING!

xox,