What I'm Thankful For...
Because this week is a holiday, it's been my blogging experience that most of my readership is either off work, totally distracted, or way too busy doing things that matter to pay any attention to blog posts (or a combination of all three or some other something I didn't mention). Therefore, I'm sticking to one post and one post only this week and it's centered on, YEP - YOU GUESSED IT: what I'm thankful for. Because duh.
I'm thankful for...
men who know how to kiss. Because I'm sorry, but have you ever experienced the opposite? If you've kissed more than one person in your life, chances are you've lived to tell the tale of terrible kissing. It's not fun, but it does make for great stories and reenactments.
I'm thankful for...
craft beer. Am I thankful it makes me pudgier than I want to be? No. But that's the price you pay for beer that doesn't taste like straight cat piss.
I'm thankful for...
discovering green curry this year. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn't something nasty - I was ignorant, young, too dumb to care. But one fateful night, after slicing open my index finger with a knife that I was taking to a bottle of Maker's, my friends ordered curry and I had no energy to stop them. And boy, am I glad I didn't fight it. CURRY FOREVA.
I'm thankful for...
Moroccan oil. If you haven't gotten with it on this, GET WITH IT. It's the product that saved my hair from drying crunchy and hard like a Spanish girl at her Quinceañera.
I'm thankful for...
never having ever in my entire life seen The Goonies and probably never ever seeing it... ever.
I'm thankful for...
sriacha ketchup and any sort of basil mayonnaise creation that's in existence.
I'm thankful for...
kitchen aid mix masters. Ever since this contraption has come into my life, the hand beater has long since been retired. I got my new toy and didn't need my old toy. My new toy mixed shit real fast. My old shit sprayed crap all over the kitchen and sent me cleaning for hours on end. There is just no comparison.
I'm thankful for...
not having been raised super religious. And we'll leave that at that.
I'm thankful for...
not falling for Summer's Eve's false ass advertising. As Sarah Silverman once said, extra vagina wash doesn't do shit. It's fake. It's pointless. Our instruments are self-cleansing. Wash your hoo-ha with the same shit you wash your butt with, and you should be good. And if you're still having issues once you're squeaky clean, out of the shower... go to the doctor. Like, yesterday.
I'm thankful for...
hazelnut flavored half&half. I don't always use flavored half&half, but when I do, it's Coffee Mate's Fat-Free Hazelnut. And if you're gonna sit here and try to tell me there's better hazelnut half&half out there, you're sorely mistaken. I've tried them all - THEM ALL - and nothing compares. So take your off-brand/store-brand/whatever brand hazelnut half&half and GIT OUTTA HERE.
I'm thankful for...
stick cream blush from NARS. I know it's ignorant of me, but I just don't understand how girls still use powder blush with a brush. Stick is just so much more.... natural and dewy and any and all things pretty. Try it - for me. My trusty favorite? NARS in Portofino (if you click the picture, it'll lead you straight to where you can purchase it - TECHNOLOGY!)!!!
I'm thankful for...
beards. And not the "helping you to hide your love for penis" beards. The hairy kind that live on faces and keep you warm during a cold winter's night just thinking about them.
I'm thankful for...
Mindy Kaling. For her book, for her show, for her brain. For her everything. Marry me, Mindy. Marry me hard and never let me go. And by marry me I mean please hire me to write for you. I could do it. Put me in, coach Kaling!
I'm thankful for...
space saving hangers. You know - those velvety ones. They have transformed my life and my closet for the better. Now, instead of flinching every time I hear those plastic fucks clang around, I can browse quietly and be calmer when I whisper to myself "I hate everything I own."
I'm thankful for...
Amazon. But more than that, I'm thankful for Amazon Prime. Which means I'm thankful for my mom for having an Amazon Prime account from which I can order necessities and have them delivered to my house in just two days. Y'all, they have everything. Prime example: I got a 96-count box of dishwasher squares for $11. Because the account is synced with my mom's email, she emailed me asking, "REALLY? YOU CAN'T JUST BUY THESE AT THE GROCERY STORE?" "No, mother," I replied. "Not for that price." #amazon.
I'm thankful for...
my best friends
my family
my dog
my job
my apartment
my car
truly. I am. But it's just not as fun to list those sort of bull-shitty things, amiright?!
and, lastly, I really am thankful for...
my hair. There. I said it. I'm tired of pretending it's a "pain" and "no, you do NOT wish you had this mess." It took me a long time to accept it, love it, and know how to style it. Most days, I wake up and have no fucking idea what it's gonna do - it truly does have a mind of its own. But that's kind of what I love about it - the unpredictability. Even when it looks like this:
I think that's why we've stayed in love so long - it's always a surprise, it keeps me guessing. Something I fought so hard in my preteens/teens is now something I embrace with open arms and about twelve-hundred bobby pins.
That's it, y'all. Seriously, have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving full of food, wine, family fighting, maybe a movie or two, full-stomach sexual relations with someone, shopping (but not doorbusting, because that's just twisted), dogs, puppies, rainbows, sparkles, and NOT mint chocolate chip ice cream because I hate that shit so much.
xox,
emma
