I Can't, Vol. 42
What can't I with at this juncture in my life? Well. I'll tell you.
I can't...
seem to fill up off breakfast protein shakes. I've always hated shakes. Like, always. I've always found them dumb, too light, and a waste of time, calories, and swallowing. However, I found some recipes online for breakfast shakes to incorporate into my morning routine to make a fast, filling, on-the-go breakfast, and I have to say — STILL HATE 'EM. They taste good and look pretty and are so fun/easy to make. But fuck me if I'm not ravenous by 11am. I fill them up, too. Don't get me wrong. There's like a FULL ass banana, greek yogurt, and other stuff in there. I guess I'm just a difficult person.
I can't...
stop singing the lyrics to "Down in the DM," and it's really fucked up. Specifically, the part about snapchatting him that 'gina. It's starting to make me uncomfortable with myself.
I can't...
that Facebook alerted me last week to the fact that I've been on it for 11 years. 11. Eleven. Not 10, not 5, not even 2. 11. I literally can't with that. I can't do it.
11.
I can't...
with passive dudes on Bumble, and I speak for all women on this one. Whether you've been on it before or are on it currently, you know what I'm talking about. Here's the deal: Yes, it's a dating app that requires the girl to initiate conversation. But that's it, y'all. That's as far as us initiating anything goes. It's not a free pass for you males to be passive AF. To essentially sit back, hands behind head, waiting to be doted on. FUCK. THAT. Bitch, grab your cajones and ask a dame out. Keep the conversation flowing. You think girls want that passive crap to have and to hold for the rest of their lives??? You think that's gonna get us going and WANT to continue speaking to you and meet you? Maybe some girls, but not legit ones. I can assure you that much.
I can't...
imagine having to cook or do laundry for more than just me, and that is how I know I am nowhere near ready to have children. I get so worn out just from making simple ass dinners and doing my own loads of laundry, that the thought of cooking for three or even four and also doing others' laundry gives me hives. HOW. HOW DO MOMS OR LIVE-IN GIRLFRIENDS OR PEOPLE IN GENERAL DO IT? Clearly, I could never be a chef or own a dry cleaning franchise.
I can't...
believe how much easier life becomes for an avid online shopper when your place of work has UPS and USPS pickup. Like. Do y'all KNOW how much time this has saved me from having to visit a brick and mortar UPS store and pay them $1.11 to use their computer to print off return labels? It's the little things. Truly.
I can't...
decide what's harder to dress for: casual or cute. It's something I struggle with and go back and forth on all the time, it seems. Sometimes, the process of finding a "cute" outfit for something seems next to impossible while, other times, I just wish I had more clutch t-shirts that hung just right and looked amazing with jeans and kicks. BASICALLY, GETTING DRESSED IS THE WORST SOMETIMES.
I can't...
handle work anxiety dreams. I just had my first one last night and woke up in a cold sweat. I guess that's how you know shit's getting real.
I can't...
with every Dallas girl's complete and total freakout over SoulCycle coming to town. Granted, I have a separate BBG Instagram account, so I'm sure this is why I've noticed such an intense influx of SoulCycle conniption fits. I mean, IT'S A SPIN STUDIO. THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. What's SO different and great about this one? (Watch me try a class there and become obsessed) (I'm willing to put money on myself that that'll happen). Here's an impression I posted on Snapchat of every girl ever re: SoulCycle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA2zGM3TcN8
I can't...
take one more model posting about food and how much she loves it and her baking/cooking/devouring of it. Look. I get that some of these models are naturally that thin, but COME ON. I just don't buy it. I refuse. I refuse to believe that you're actually ingesting any of the things you bake yourself or order from a restaurant. Stop living this lie and attempting to appear "normal" to your followers. It's not right. In fact, it's insulting. Do you think we're daft enough that we truly believe you "just ate SO many cookies," and your hip bones continue to protrude so far out, you have to say "ON YOUR LEFT!" like bikers on a running trail when you pass by others? NOT BUYING IT.
I can't...
handle when people have Chipotle leftovers. Oh, is perfect deliciousness wrapped in a flour tortilla or spooned ever-so-delicately into a bowl too much for your precious stomach to handle? It's blasphemous, really. To not force yourself to put down every last bite when it's fresh. These people sticking their HALF EATEN bowls in the fridge for later... I fucking can't. Expand your stomach for the sake of the game. Speaking of Chipotle...
I can't...
that someone I dated once HEATED UP HIS BURRITO BECAUSE IT WASN'T WARM ENOUGH. I don't need to tell yo that it was completely ruined. I think a part of my soul died that day —at least part of our relationship did, FOR SURE.
I can't...
handle some girls' beauty. Not a lot, but some. Examples: Olivia Munn, Emma Watson, Olivia Culpo (literally had to stop following her on Instagram because I couldn't take it). I dunno. I thought I had more, but I guess that's it. Two Olivia's and an Emma.
I can't...
urge you guys enough to PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS BLOG AND LET ME/WHITNEY KNOW IF YOU LIKE/WANT TO HEAR MORE OF OUR PODCAST. I don't mean to yell, but I'M BEGGING Y'ALL. I need to know. No feelings will be hurt, I just would like to get a general temperature of whether you all prefer my writing or the podcast more. We get next to no feedback about the podcast, so anything will help. DO ME A SOILID, READERS.
Thanks.
xox,
