What Girls Say When They Meet a New Girl Versus What They're Actually Thinking
Girls can be, erm, not super friendly upon first meeting each other. There's a lot of judgment, a lot of up-and-down looks, a lot of silent assumptions being made based off one handshake or a mere sideways glance. Most of us can't help it - it's built into our systems. We came out of the womb judging the nurse's makeup - why else do you think we were crying like that? Without yet knowing how to say it, our cries were screaming "For the love of all that's holy, BLEND IN YOUR CHIN LINE!" They say to never trust a girl who only has male friends, and this is true. It's true because making friends as a female is trying enough as it is, so to not succeed at it at least twice raises some serious concern. Allow me to take you on a journey through a girl's mind upon meeting a new girl for the first time.
What she says:
"Hi! So nice to meet you!"
What she's thinking:
"Oh hello. You're pretty, which makes me feel instantly vulnerable and prone to insecure thoughts and feelings. Your hand shake was sort of weak, which I try not to judge for because I've been told mine is surprisingly firm for a girl, but I'm judging. I must spot all your flaws immediately."
What she says:
"So, how do you know the group?"
What she's thinking:
"So, who here have you fucked?"
What she says:
"Can I get you a drink? Vodka? Wine? Beer?"
What she's thinking:
"Are you basic (vodka) or can you hang (beer)?"
What she says:
"I love your skirt a lot."
What she's thinking:
"I may or may not like it. Basically, I feel awkward and slightly obligated as a female to remark on the outfit I know you spent way too long of a time choosing for tonight. So, naturally, I did the most female thing ever and complimented your outfit because I guess I'm just that basic."
What she says:
"Your shoes! Those are... intense."
What she's thinking:
"I can't and not in a good way."
What she says:
"Want a tour of the house?"
What she's thinking:
"Let me show you my collection of colorful books and perfectly made bed that normally looks like it belongs to an in-patient most days, but that I made especially well for tonight so everyone here believes I'm this put together all the time."
What she says:
"I could never pull off that lip color."
What she's thinking:
"Fucking showoff."
What she says:
"So what do you do?"
What she's thinking:
"I literally don't care unless you're a guy I'm dating, so whatever you answer, you're safe from any sort of judgment. Unless you do what I do. Then it might get a little weird in here."
What she says:
"I love Dan so much. I honestly was nervous to move-in together, but it's been going so well, we can't believe we didn't do it sooner!"
What she's thinking:
"We had an explosive fight before everyone came over and will most likely rehash it once you all leave, but to you, MY RELATIONSHIP IS PICTURE-PERFECT."
What she says:
"We have food! Cheese and crackers, chips and dips. Help yourself, seriously."
What she's thinking:
"Do you eat?"
What she says:
"Our dogs should totally have a play date some time!"
What she's thinking:
"I need to see you in natural light to better assess your face and whether or not you bleach or wax your stache."
What she says:
"So where do you like to go out?"
What she's thinking:
"I will know exactly who you are and what you stand for by your answer."
What she says:
"Does anyone need to use the restroom?"
What she's thinking:
"Who here is going to prove her loyalty to me and pointlessly accompany me to the bathroom?"
What she says:
"I want your hair."
What she's thinking:
"I wouldn't kid about this. I really want your hair."
What she says:
"Oh! You've tried that new fitness place? How was it?"
What she's thinking:
"Skinny bitch. I love myself and I hate myself, but my diet starts tomorrow."
What she says:
"I love pizza."
What she's thinking:
"If I can't count on you to have fat nights with me, then this isn't going anywhere."
What she says:
"Wait. You don't like her either??? You mean, we have a common enemy???"
What she's thinking:
xox,
emma
