In Defense of Oversized Everything

To the unobservant some, it may appear as though the oversized clothing trend just started. But, if those some were to look a little closer, they'd see it's been around much longer. Exhibit A: The Original Oversized Look

Ah, the evergreen sexuality of a full-bodied woman in a man's work shirt. Sexy, effortless, enticing. So many questions unanswered: What's under there? How big are they, though? Does that shirt really belong to a man you know and maybe just had coitus with or did you just go buy it for yourself? What is your favorite color?

My mother, although hip and an avid exclaimer of the f and c words, can be traditional. She likes tees with cute sayings on them, and I'll be damned if you've ever met a Jewish woman who loves a good cardigan more than her. So when I walk into her home wearing my oversized garb, she balks a little. "What is this?" she may ask. "Don't you think you could've used a smaller size?" It pains her, and rightfully so, to see her baby swimming in a sea of fabric. But, the thing is, I'm like the Michael Phelps of the cotton breaststroke (so many puns intended). I can tread in this fabric for hours on end, and still have enough energy leftover to do it again the next day and the next and the next.

Point being, loose tees and tops are what I feel best wearing. Why? Well, a few reasons.

1) My mid-section is my least favorite section. I don't necessarily like to wear clothing items that cling to it. That being said, I frequently observe women who clearly have no issues showing what they're made of, tummies and all. And, because I have a vagina, I automatically compare and ask myself "I mean, if they do it then I could do it...?" But my resolution is always a resounding NAH. My friends used to (and still kinda do) give me a lot of flack for not wearing tighter tops, but it just isn't for me. I enjoy my (often referred to as) "surprise boobs," thank you very much.

2) And speaking of "surprises," oversized clothing facilitates the adage of men loving mystery. When broads flounce around in tight-fitting everything or, better yet, just get buttass naked (re: strippers), sure it's hot but it's also it. As in, that's it. There ya go. It's all there for you. No imagination necessary. The great thing about oversized clothing, when done right, is that it amps up that mystery tenfold. Oversized shirts by no means need to come with high necklines or opaque fabric. They can be tank tops that fall off your shoulders haphazardly, exposing a bit more of your clavicle. Or a button-down, denim top paired with skin tight black jeans and a bold lip. A loose, chiffon top with a V-neck and accompanying lace bralette will take men of all walks of life from six to midnight in a matter of seconds and women in tight tops to Jealoustown, USA.

2b) You shouldn't give a flying fish what any man or woman makes of your oversized clothing. If a guy prefers titty-tight everything and cannot for the life of him find one appealing thing about your butt-covering, slouchy, semi see-through sweater, then be gone with him. Besides, most fashion-forward girls who own the oversized look are dressing for girls - let's be honest.

3) I just love oversized clothing. Much like being infatuated, there's no real rhyme or reason. It makes me happy and confident, and that's really all we can ask for in this life, AMIRIGHT?

So, with that, I leave you with my Oversized Fit Test. If you can fit your entire body underneath your top, you done good. Real good. Prime example, my top today: