For Your Consideration

Hello, errybody. As you may or may not have noticed, this week was an unannounced "off" week for me and the ol' ball and chain (blog). It was Christmas, afterall, and this Jew was raised to not discriminate against any religious holiday, especially if that holiday provides gifts, copious amounts of food, and an excuse to take off work and sit around in sweatpants for two days.

I'm saving my year-in-review esque post on 2013 for next week, of course, but I felt the need to bang something out today because a week without a blog post is like three months without any sort of sexual human contact (i.e. what my pattern seems to be and what I'm trying to come to terms with).

Here are some random nuggets for you to consider this Friday...

"Prisoners" was an awful movie.

HEY. GUYS. STFU. Your terrible acting and voluntary participation in this horrendous plot line is seriously distracting.

I had two friends say how great this movie was, so I had every expectation I would love it. I even maturely looked past my strong dislike for both Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal (I know, but I swear I am a straight, red-blooded, American girl). But I'll be damned if I sit here and lie to you and say this was a good film, because IT WASN'T. It's a 2.5 hour movie and it takes about 16 hours for anything to actually happen. If all the good stuff happens in the last half hour of the film, you did something very wrong as a filmmaker. I just can't.

Miley Cyrus's new music video, "Adore You."

:-/ Miley, I love you. Like, a lot. I think you're a very talented vocalist and have ever since I saw you singing next to Taylor Swift at some music awards show and realized how much I hated her and liked you. But, girl, your new music video of "Adore You" left me grimacing at the TV with the face pictured above (mine, not yours). I mean, I understand you're supposed to be overcome with attraction and adoration and "touching" yourself, but like... I cannot. You're really fun to listen to, but notsomuch to look at.

The documentary "The Short Game" is a must-watch.

As I tried to leave my parent's home last night after a few days of Christmas bliss spent in the suburbs, they turned on this documentary and I found myself instantly hooked, decisively not leaving until the credits rolled. This film about 7 and 8-year-old champion golfers is phenom. Exec produced by J.Timberlake and J.Biel, it's one of the cutest, most uplifting documentaries I've seen in a long time. It's not what you think it is, i.e. a bunch of overly privileged brats playing a round of 18. It's about determination, hard work, and how these kids are the most optimistic, driven tiny adults you'll ever see. They define the word precocious. And Anna Kornikova's little brother, Allan, is my future husband.

I didn't get engaged over Christmas.

I know. I know. It's hard to believe. I really thought it was gonna happen. I mean, all the ingredients are there. But, I guess it wasn't my time. I won't lie... when my mom told me to save the smallest gift box for last, I thought there might be a little piece of bling-bling up in thur. But it was a bracelet from J.Crew. A really awesome bracelet from J.Crew, yes, but not an engagement ring.

Stati.gram can elicit feelings of "OH. OK."

This is what the homepage of Stati.gram looks like:

My good friend told me about this site that provides insight into Instagram stats, and I can't decide whether it was a good or bad thing. At first, I was all "OH? YOU UNFOLLOWED ME? I SEE. WELL FUCK YOU THEN. WATCH THIS ::CLICK:: UNFOLLOWED BACK, BITCH." But, once I became numb to the lost followers, I was able to laugh and say, "Hmm. Yeah. Makes sense they'd unfollow me" and by "makes sense" I mean I don't follow them or like their shit, so why would they want to return the favor?

When girls in relationships "like" single girl antics.

I can't. Oh? You LIKE this article about things not to say to single girls? You LIKE my captions that are single-centric and poke fun at being alone and without any male prospects? What is this - a jab at my singledom or a cry for help? Do you actually envy me in some sense? Actually yeah. I would, too. And, on that note, please read this hilarious and completely accurate article about what NEVER to say to single girls:

I have never and will never download nor play Candy Crush.

I will use my iPhone to text, map, sometimes call if I'm in the mood and texting isn't an option, fuel my social media fire, and check the weather, but I will not ever use it to play games. I don't know what it is, but I have a strong aversion to mobile games. I downloaded and played Words With Friends for approximately a month, and that's as far as I've ever gone or will ever go. Well, wait. I was just told to download QuizUp and it has Seinfeld quizzes, so... my world may have just been turned upside down. More on that later.

Have a great weekend and tune in next week for some sort of commemorative 2013 post.

xox,

emma