I Can't

I can't...

decide whether or not I should try and argue that I started the entire "I can't" movement. But like... I did. And not here on my blog either. No. I started it back in college - I swear. Just ask around. What's that? You don't know who to ask? Well, guess you'll just have to trust me, then.

I can't...

ever give up on M.I.A. She was my first "indie music" love, and she'll be my last. More specifically, one of her new songs "Y.A.L.A." A tribute to Drake's YOLO, but instead it stands for You Always Live Again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ2lsG3I8IU

I can't...

take it when I know the real story behind a couple, yet they project an entirely different tale to the social media world. I know for a fact there's been cheating, multiple break-ups, and overall complete dysfunction, yet they're all like "LOOK AT US! WE'RE SO GREAT. NO REALLY, YOU GUYS. COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. WE'RE STILL IN OUR HONEYMOON PHASE." It enrages me, and here's why: because you jackasses make it that much worse for the self-doubting singletons and other couples. Some pretty happy boyfriend/girlfriend pair is looking at this shit thinking, "ugh. I wish WE were like that" or some down-in-the-dumps unattached girl sees your pictures and thinks, "sigh. I'll never have what they have." If only these people knew the truth. As God as my witness, you'll get yours someday. Pricks.

I can't...

find too many products from Trader Joe's I don't love, but there have been a few. And I feel it's my civic duty to share these not-so-stellar food items with you guys, because usually my TJoe's boner is super hard and won't go down after four hours and these products pay no contribution to that:

Trader Joe's Medium Roast Coffee: y'all. No. Like... just no. I actually really can't. I strayed from my regular coffee purchase at TJoe's, trying to save a couple bucks on this canister of beans and I couldn't even make it through half a cup. Bitter, disgusting, not okay. Just don't.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Pecan Oatmeal: this was so bad, that I actually put it up for adoption in my job's communal kitchen area with a post-it note attached to the box, reading: "I think this tastes weird, but you be the judge." This oatmeal is proof that there IS such a thing as crappy tasting pumpkin something.

Trader Joe's Vanilla Almond cereal: every other cereal I've tried from TJoe's has been nothing short of off-brand deliciousness. But this. This tasted like vanilla powder exploded in my mouth. It's a hard sensation to describe, but that's as close as I can get. It was just odd and not okay and no. Don't do it.

That's it. Just those three. Everything else is wonderful, cheap, and I hate chain grocery stores now because my god are they a fucking rip off or what?!

I can't...

I just cannot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvH1fFuahOM&feature=youtu.be

I can't...

stand human beings who don't know how to end a conversation quickly and efficiently. The awkward-ending conversationalists make me want to curl into a ball in the corner and waste away as they continue trying to wrap up the discussion. And, unfortunately, I encounter this more often than not in my daily life. I just don't get it - are you really that awkward and without any sense of humanity that you can't HEAR how painful this has become? I don't do elongated conversations or good-byes, thusly why I've become such a big fan of the "Irish Goodbye." Never heard of this life-changing phenomenon? Allow me. It's when you leave wherever you are without saying bye to anyone. Of course, if you're attending a small house party that maybe you even helped host, this wouldn't be a good way to leave. But, let's say you're at a bar or an awkward work happy hour or at a large party you were invited to through friends of a friend of a friend - leave. Don't make eye contact with anyone. Quietly set your drink down, grab your belongings, and slither through the front door as you came. If someone challenges your actions, simply look them square in the face and say, "gotta grab something from the car!" Because...

I can't...

understand all this pressure people put on themselves to make nice with every single person they come into contact with. Or to willingly stay in a situation that makes them miserable/sad/bored/what have you just for the sake of hurting anyone else's feelings. I don't care about your feelings - I care that I'm bored and not having a good time and I wanna go home and be with my dog and that I hardly know you and probably will never see you again and if I do, I doubt me Irish Goodbye-ing you this one time is gonna make it awkward between us forever. Does all this make me an impolite bitch? I don't think so. But to each his own. I'm just gonna go grab something from the car...

I can't...

deal with spam comments like this on my blog:

I wish so hard I could find the source of the comment and send them a reply video like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5deq2d9wAwM&feature=youtu.be

I can't...

with this review left on a shopping website. I think this girl is dead... or it's my dog Cece and I didn't know she a) could type, b) shopped online, c) was into fashion?

And speaking of shopping...

I can't...

with Nordstrom dressing rooms. I JUST CANNOT. Like, WTF Nordstrom? Get your shit together. For a nice ass department store with tons of brand name shit and expensive crap, what are you doing to me and the rest of the shopping community? I could be doing Insanity workouts every day, have lost 10 pounds, and be as ripped as ever, but I walk into your dressing rooms and their lighting, and immediately want to curl up in a ball in my bed and cry and cut off my bodily imperfections with a dull blade. FIGURE IT OUT AND QUICK. Here is proof I'm not the only one who feels this way: