as always, i can't

oh hi guys. it's been a little since i posted and that's because I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.

not really. THIS is the most important thing. writing to write and maybe get some likes and some feedback if y'all are feeling social that day surmounts all other importance in my life. however, work and life have been keeping me pretty preoccupied and so my blog has taken a backseat.

then again, it's only been a few weeks. it could've been worse. i could've waited months or YEARS in between posts like other, not serious bloggers do. so, ya know what? i don't feel bad anymore.

anyhow, i decided today could be a quick "i can't" post. because i've discovered a lot of things i just can't as of late.

i can't...

with Jon Snow. no, really.

i can't. his face. his hair. his nose. his facial hair. his eyes. his eyebrows. HIS LIPS??? OKAY. my cousin pretty much nailed the attraction with this text:

i had never thought of it like that, since usually everyone tells me my taste is "dirty" or "hipster" which is so not true. so what if i like glasses and dark hair? AIN'T NEVER HURT NOBODY. but he makes a great observation here: grizzly but classically handsome. give me a beautiful face covered in facial hair that's a little unkempt and i will do stuff to it.

i can't...

really handle Game of Thrones in general. it took me a while to get on the bandwagon since i ignorantly thought it was a softcore porn show on HBO, but BOY was i wrong. a lot of boobs, yes - many of which are kinda gross? - but it's SO MUCH MORE THAN BOOBS. if you ever wanna talk about the Dothraki or the Lannisters or the true nature of Cat Stark, please come to me.

i can't...

buy a bottle of wine unless the label is really cool. that's how i choose wine - the label. fuck whether or not it's actually a "good" wine by wino standards. how would i know? i ain't no connoisseur, but if the label has a cool design or funny drawing on it, looks good to me! and when the wine actually tastes legit, that's a bonus. and if it doesn't, i still drink it.

i can't...

stand phones that aren't an iPhone. i know. i'm such a bitch, but seriously, why would anyone ever have another phone besides an iPhone? i'm not trying to be prejudice, but i am. the iPhone is so beautiful, so clean, so right. it's a phone for all ages, all sizes, all levels of intelligence. these heavy-duty, massive screen Sprint phones and the like just need to pack their bags and retreat to a lost island somewhere. screw gun control - the government should be working on making the iPhone the ONLY acceptable phone to own. then, never again would my eyes have to be the victim of seeing green text boxes. THE HORROR.

i can't...

deny any longer that i do, in fact, enjoy Justin Timberdick's music. i don't necessarily like him as a person and would never want to makeout with him (because that opportunity most likely would present itself in my lifetime), but his tunes make me bop around in my desk chair all day long. also, for the record, "Don't Hold the Wall" makes me wanna do a lot of stuff. it makes me want to suddenly have an amazingly toned body and be in a skimpy, badass dancer's outfit busting moves on a sweaty dance floor, not holding any wall ever for any reason. i don't know where these abs and oblique muscles came from. all i know is that i'm suddenly a professional hip hop dancer and i look good. thanks, JT, for the daydreams.

i can't...

imagine what a letdown Anchorman 2 will be. the first one is such a classic and took me so long to memorize line-by-line that this sequel should probably just quit while it's ahead. i mean, they didn't make a sequel to Titanic, ya know? or to Step Brothers? or to countless other classic films such as the Iraq and other movies everywhere such as just mentioned.

i can't...

talk about the rumor this past week that the network gods were maybe choosing to bring FRIENDS back as opposed to, oh i don't know, Seinfeld. i literally can't discuss it. i imagine getting into a discussion about which show was better would be like a Jewish New Yorker talking to a west Texas native about politics. i just had to at least talk about it by letting you know i can't talk about it.

i can't...

believe one of my best friend's convinced me to leave a note on a guy's car windshield this past weekend and that, not only did i really do it, but he really texted me and we really chatted and he said he really noticed me that day and he really actually said it was so cool i left a note. and i REALLY can't that, after all this, he really couldn't find it in him to straight up ask me out. no. instead he went the "we should meet up sometime" route to play it safe. DUDE, REALLY? I DID ALL THE DIRTY WORK FOR YOU. i had the balls. i left the note. i made the first approach. and you can't grab your junk and legitimately ASK me to do something?! but, instead, keep texting me and say that i seem "5 star"??? I CANNOT.

i can't...

drink dirty tasting water. i'd rather go thirsty until i am led to a fresh water source. i also can't drink straight tap water. #britafolyfe.

i can't...

sleep in any conditions other than the following: fan on, noise machine on, air conditioning on, covers on, two pillows wedged together as one, underwear optional. sleeping in room temperature with no fan or A/C is my personal hell. if my nipples aren't cutting glass throughout the course of my sleep, forget it. also, for those of you who may travel a lot and enjoy the comfort of a noise machine, download the noise machine app called "Relax M.P." it's a magical device that allows you to orchestrate your very own symphony of sleep noise to snore to. available on the IPHONE. NOT OTHER PHONES.

i can't...

believe how much i still say "i can't" in response to most situations in my life. it's a phrase that has withstood the test of time. without it, i'm not sure how else i would express disgust, intense obsession, horror, rage, sadness or any other of the 107 emotions i experience weekly.

that's all for now,

emma