I Can’t, Vol. 51

I can’t…

believe I’m writing this but I really. like. Harry. Styles’. new. song? Nay — his entire album. I’m confused. Play me a One Direction song and I couldn’t tell you who I’m listening to, but “Sign of the Times” has “woke” me to Harry and his voice and his music. I’ve had it on repeat since Monday and plan to play it out until I can’t take it anymore. 

I can’t…

with the new consistency of Crest white strips. Er, maybe it’s not new, but it’s been so long since I bought a pack that this consistency has me thrown. I buy the “gentle routine” ones, and they went from slimy to sticky? Like tape? Is this right? Please say yes, because I have one on as I write this and will probably have done another by the time you read this.

I can’t…

decide if the smell of Cece’s breath post-dinner is disgusting or oddly comforting. I wet her food ever so slightly with hot water, which really brings out the flavor and subsequently, the stench. 

I can’t…

and will probably never be able to cheerfully say “Good morning!” to people. I just can’t do it. Unless you’re my dog or a man I am currently catching feelings for, you will always and forever get a closed-mouth smile if you try to say hi to me before 10am and that’s just the reality of it. Sorry I’m not sorry. 

I can’t…

even begin to explain the feeling of having a pared down, almost capsule closet. It’s equal parts magical and anxiety-provoking because whereas before I would stand there and be all like “I have NO clothes,” now it’s real as fuck. One of my best friends is THE Fashion Jackson and employing her to be the CEO of my Closet Cleanout 2k17 was the smartest yet toughest decision I’ve made so far this year. She doesn’t hold back. She will make you question every piece of clothing you own, your sense of style, your life choices, and why you bother at all. No, just kidding. But she really is efficient and, with her help, we ditched HALF MY CLOSET. Clothes, shoes, bags, belts, hats. Nothing was safe. If I couldn’t remember the last time I wore it or tell her I felt great wearing it, it was out. Foolishly, I forgot to take a “before” closet picture but three grueling hours and two bottles of Rosé later, we had filled an IKEA bag to the brim with discards plus four more normal-sized bags and a beautiful closet space was born.

The pictures hardly do it justice. I feel born-again. Renewed. Cleansed. And ready to fill it back up but with SMART PIECES. I’m super mature and good with money suddenly. Feels nice. On that note, though…

I can’t…

that Fashion Jackson actually tried to discard my most favorite jacket of all time. I’d link it, but it’s no longer on Anthro’s site. It probably sold out because IT’S PERFECT. I have found, though, that this jacket is incredibly polarizing. People either love it or hate it, no in-betweens. That said, I got like 10 compliments on it this week when I wore it so WHO’S THE FASHION BLOGGER NOW, FASHION? (JK I love you so much).

I can’t…

believe it took me a full two days to realize the reason I was experiencing horrific upper GI pain and not being able to, um, go to the bathroom because I ATE AN ENTIRE THING OF QUESO BY MYSELF ON SUNDAY. Like, real queso. Ordered from a restaurant. That comes in a styrofoam container and is at least two full cups of queso. The entire thing. Me. I did that. And then I couldn’t figure out why I felt so awful Monday night and hadn’t gone to the bathroom in days. GOOD JOB, EMMA. YOU FUCKING GLUTTON. Also, is 30 realizing you can’t handle cheese? Because if so, kill me now.

I can’t…

seem to remember it all every morning. Meaning, if I remember to take my pills and put on deodorant, I forget my FitBit that’s charging and to put on perfume. Or if I remember to put on perfume and grab my FitBit, I forget deodorant. THERE’S JUST TOO MUCH. TOO MANY STEPS. HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE BABIES AND STILL GET DRESSED AND FUNCTION? HOW?

I can’t…

tell you how thankful I am that the Texas heat is holding off a bit so far this summer. I know it most likely has something to do with global warming, and I know it’ll hit me full force here in a couple weeks but I’m thankful for now. Check back soon though cause I’ll be screaming about how I can’t stop sweating and how terrible it is and how I don’t know why the fuck I live here. Just you wait.

xox,